Everyone Is Lying

Thanks to even-handed governance and an eye ever-turned toward vigilance, the City of Dallas has showered fictitious prisoners with 2.2 million dollars! Still, those hundreds of teachers we fired over a budget shortfall probably had it coming anyway!

According to the audit, the city hasn’t revised that agreement since 1997. And the agreement doesn’t account for “actual jail operating expenditures,” the audit stated.

So even as the number of city prisoners in the jail has fallen, from more than 85,000 in 2006 to about 61,000 last year, the city’s costs have increased.

Had the city revised its agreement with the county to tie costs to the number of prisoners held, it “would have save the City $2,161,787 from Fiscal Year (FY) 2006 through FY 2008,” the audit stated.

People, this is exactly the thing that will make Tom “Leppert” our Supreme Leader in Dallas.

Crazy, bug-eyed mayor-in-chief of Dallas, Tom Leppert, has decided that if anyone should actually turn out to vote on the city-owned GigaHotel he might respect the constituency, afterall. This comes after a commercial criticizing him for saying that voting wasn’t needed “on every issue.”

It’s marvelous when your mayor starts sounding like an African dictator.

Astounding! The saga of What Ever Will We Do with This Lonely Elephant Jenny is closed. Activists clamored for months to get poor Jenny moved to some sort of African savanna that was in Tennessee, of all places. You see, Jenny had recently lost her companion, and since elephants are known to bee noisy weepers these noise-sensitive activists thought it best to kick the pachyderm out of the city and state entirely.

In a sickening move, the Dallas Zoo has coupled Jenny with another female elephant, named Gypsy. The couple hopes to move into their new home by 2011.

If you were a Katrina refugee, like from New Orleans, you probably have a well-developed distaste for these levee things. Like all of our fathers, they hung around for most of our lives only to utterly fail to provide any sort of aid the first moment we needed them. Katrina refugees, just like you have a healthy loathing for levees, you might also live in Dallas! I’ve seen your pelican-themed license plates and NFL Saints bumper stickers, don’t lie. Anyway, enjoy every bit of this good news:

The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers is no longer certain the Trinity River levees can protect downtown Dallas from a flood like the one that took place in 1990. Flaws up and down the 80-year-old earthen dikes have raised questions about their integrity, and could require massive fixes.

The corps issued those bleak assessments Wednesday as part of a final report on its 2007 inspection of the levees. The problems identified range from deep layers of sand that could complicate construction of the Margaret Hunt Hill Bridge to “severe” cracking throughout the levees that could be difficult and costly to repair

It looks like the Levee either wants to finish you off (tragic!) or perhaps encourage you to relocate back to New Orleans? I hear the city could use the help.

Just because it’s making national news we’ll talk about this shmuck. He detained an entire family at gunpoint in a hospital parking lot for running a red light while the family’s matriarch lay dying inside that very hospital. Anyway he apologizes on TV and says something to the effect of “please please please don’t fire me, I have kids!”

Today he decides to up and quit and the AP doesn’t get it exactly right.