Everyone Is Lying

Slime-like employees of the few call centers left in Great America, beware! James Ragland (yes that is a pseudonym) is out to get you with his Populist Hammer.

Companies that want my business better cut their prices

OR ELSE. Ha, I laugh, ha, because James delivers an utlimatum directly to the balls of those corporate fat cats, right in the title. This man is insane.

I’m not going to take it on the chin anymore.

I, like everyone else, am waiting to see where James does want to take it!

 I paid for six tenders but got only four.

In times past, perhaps I’d just let it slide. Not now. Not anymore. In this economy, pennies count.

We’re all getting socked left, right and in the gut.

So I immediately picked up the phone, called the restaurant and insisted that the situation be made right. I was offered two more tenders if I climbed back in my car – at my expense, mind you – and drove 5 miles to get them.

I don’t think so, I said.

So I haggled. And what I got in return was this: a free six-piece chicken tender meal the next time I decided to visit.

That tastes much better.

Robin Hood is voiding his bowels in the face of this man’s courage, staring down the all-consuming greed and neglect of the customer. This Economy has stolen Ragland’s chicken. Chicken that Ragland PAID for. My God. I would be such a warrior for justice, probably, if I also tasted something delicious each time I righted a perceived wrong.

Case in point: When a company offered to drastically reduce my monthly cable-Internet-digital telephone bill, I figured it was time to get on the horn with my current provider.

“Look,” I said, “I’m not satisfied with what I’m getting for my money. So either we figure out a way to reduce my bill without taking away any services, or I’m cutting my losses.”

The salesperson turned me over to her supervisor who, in turn, routed me to the Customer Retention Department, which, in a matter of 15 minutes, found a way to reduce my bill by 25 percent – for a savings of $50 a month.

Amazing! James has managed to convert what are effectively letters from Nigerian princes seeking aid into savings! Savings! Savings! I will try this soon, only adding that a company is offering to give me a three week cruise to wherever-the-hell-I-feel-like-that-second and see if I can have some tickets materialize in my “inbox.”

James Ragland - financier and Voice of the People.

Ebby Halliday Realty, known locally as The Dark Sinew Beast Machine, continues to load houses off into the laps’ of unsuspecting home buyers! Huzzah! The Beast was able to devour some of its competition whole thanks in part to the harrowing effects of this Economy.

Dallas-based Ebby Halliday Realtors has for the first time joined the ranks of the country’s 10 largest residential sales firms.

Ebby Halliday placed No. 10 in the annual Real Trends 500 list of the top U.S. residential sales firms.

“Is it because we are doing well or the rest of the country is not doing so well?” said Ebby Halliday president Mary Frances Burleson. “Probably both.”

The Dallas firm moved up in the rankings – which were based on 2008 business – from 13th the previous year as real estate firms in California and Florida suffered big declines in business.

Everyone! Keep making money!