Archive for the ‘Russia’ Category

Russia Now Arming Palestinian Authority, Since Iran Is All Nuclear and Everything

Thursday, April 9th, 2009

Now that Iran’s Russian training wheels on their nuclear tricycle are coming off, Russia needs a new way to promote global instability.  More accurately, Russia seems to be arming the enemies of Israel. Is this a case of Classic Russian Anti-Semitism or are they just trying to get something stuck in the crawl of America?

Russian President Dmitry Medvedev has promised visiting Palestinian Authority (PA) Chairman Mahmoud Abbas 5,000 sub-machine guns, 300 machine guns and 1,000 handguns, according to the Russian newspaperKommersant. 

Everyone, let’s commit to slapping the next person we see with a Russian or Eastern European accent, for belligerence.

Posted in Israel, Russia | 1 Comment »

Russia and US Tussle over Who Really Owns Canada

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

For the past few months it’s been awkward. The United States and Russia were having a horribly uncomfortable espionage standoff, with Canada all sandwiched in there. In summation, Russia was spying on Canada and when Canada found out boy were they spittin’, hollerin’ mad. So the spy is asked to leave and where does he go? Ha ha ho you’ll love this, he comes here! Naturally, Bush doesn’t give him a Visa and automatically these United States and Russia are officially Cold Warring on each other again.

All that’s done with, though! Today our Veritable Sissy in Chief Obama and Putin’s Meat-Puppet Medvedev decided to gambol through fields overflowing with the fullness of Spring and shyly exchanging pokes of Facebook.

Collectively, every country in the G-20 breathed a sigh of relief that they didn’t have to see these two get their girl fight going. Russia’s most helpful comments came when discussing Nuclear Iran (secretly Obama’s favorite death metal band). Saying, “here is the plan: we will sell them the uranium and then you will get to try and tell them what to do with it!”

At this everyone laughed and went out on the balcony to watch the riots.

Posted in Canada, Foreign Policy, Russia | No Comments »