The horrible Obama’s simply ghastly State Department has resorted to a kind of diplomacy most would call “begging” or “pleading.” This is truly sad. The President is willing to slap our allies in the face with narcissistic iPods and Region One DVDs but he is terrified to death of even visiting a wrist slap upon our gravest enemies.
Apr22009
Impotent Obama Begs Kim Jong-Il to Stop
by Mathias at 3:54 pmApr22009
Lacking Celebrities, Dallas Deifies Elephant
by Mathias at 3:02 pmAstounding! The saga of What Ever Will We Do with This Lonely Elephant Jenny is closed. Activists clamored for months to get poor Jenny moved to some sort of African savanna that was in Tennessee, of all places. You see, Jenny had recently lost her companion, and since elephants are known to bee noisy weepers these noise-sensitive activists thought it best to kick the pachyderm out of the city and state entirely.
In a sickening move, the Dallas Zoo has coupled Jenny with another female elephant, named Gypsy. The couple hopes to move into their new home by 2011.
Apr22009
Obama Family Subsisting on Celebrity Status Alone
by Mathias at 2:29 pmAnother Obama family member is making news, rattling cages.
President Obama’s sister, Maya Soetoro-Ng, has signed a deal to write a picture book inspired by her mother, Candlewick Press announced Thursday.
We can’t forget the special treatment given to Obama’s Auntie Dearest, either.
President Barack Obama’s Kenyan aunt, who was ordered deported five years ago, can stay in the United States legally until next year when she makes a new asylum bid, an immigration judge ruled on Wednesday.
Obama is printing money to finance his family’s ritzy lifestyle, while you and I have no jobs.
Apr22009
Wicked Awesome New Israeli Foreign Minister Is Badass
by Mathias at 2:00 pmJust yesterday the True American Ally Avigdor Lieberman spoke about crushing skulls and advocated knocking over the sandcastles that terrorists, Hamas, call “bases of operation.”
“Whoever thinks that he will achieve something by way of concessions - no, he will only invite more pressure and more wars,” Lieberman told Haaretz.
“If you want peace, prepare for war.”
Emphasis added! Also, hell yes!
And today, oh yes today, we find out that he is exactly like Batman.
Thursday’s interview was connected to an investigation that police opened against Mr. Lieberman in 1996, she said. Last year, Mr. Lieberman petitioned Israel’s highest court to order the police to either drop the investigation or file charges.
The cops have been after this guy for years, yet he keeps the faith and never stops fighting.
Batman.
Apr22009
Britons Hopelessly Drool over Michelle Obama’s Impeccable Biceps
by Mathias at 11:05 amMy friends, countrymen, this is just too funny. It turns out that ever since the First Lady unveiled her First Arms in that sleeveless getup during the Not State of the Union Address the Queen of England has basically been writing her one letter a day, begging while prostrate for a hug. A pittance, really. Tony Blair was doing the same but no one even remembers that guy anymore and didn’t he convert to some wacky religion that isn’t centered around the Obamas? Sounds like racism to me.
Anyway,
Michelle Obama, dubbed “Mighty Michelle” and the “new Jacqueline Kennedy” by British media, has dared to do what few have even considered: She put her arm around the queen.
In photos blasted on front pages and television screen, Queen Elizabeth II and Obama are shown in an embrace at a reception Wednesday.
“Protocol seems to be dispensed with when the Obamas come to town,” said the Times of London, which noted that the queen seemed particularly comfortable with the first lady and “put her hand on the back of Mrs. Obama, who did the same for a few moments.”
If Michelle Obama is “the ‘new Jacqueline Kennedy’” it makes for some ominous foreshadowing. Thanks Brits! Now we’ll have to have Joe Biden as President and, oh God, he does look a lot like LBJ.
Honestly, though, for once - this is disgusting.
Apr22009
Obama Kneels, Worships the Saudi King-of-All-Kings
by Mathias at 10:30 amHere we now have Obama, our self-proclaimed monarch, bowing before the Saudi king. Well, uh, in his defense the Kabba (of Meccan fame) was directly behind his highness?
Obama Bowing toward Mecca, Saudi King in the Way
The Saudi king is reported to have said, “ha ha no of course you can’t have more oil, the Chinese guy bowed twice as low.”
Apr22009
Downtown Dallas Set to Flood Annually
by Mathias at 10:13 amIf you were a Katrina refugee, like from New Orleans, you probably have a well-developed distaste for these levee things. Like all of our fathers, they hung around for most of our lives only to utterly fail to provide any sort of aid the first moment we needed them. Katrina refugees, just like you have a healthy loathing for levees, you might also live in Dallas! I’ve seen your pelican-themed license plates and NFL Saints bumper stickers, don’t lie. Anyway, enjoy every bit of this good news:
The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers is no longer certain the Trinity River levees can protect downtown Dallas from a flood like the one that took place in 1990. Flaws up and down the 80-year-old earthen dikes have raised questions about their integrity, and could require massive fixes.
The corps issued those bleak assessments Wednesday as part of a final report on its 2007 inspection of the levees. The problems identified range from deep layers of sand that could complicate construction of the Margaret Hunt Hill Bridge to “severe” cracking throughout the levees that could be difficult and costly to repair
It looks like the Levee either wants to finish you off (tragic!) or perhaps encourage you to relocate back to New Orleans? I hear the city could use the help.
Apr22009
He Said, She Said with Iran
by Mathias at 12:04 amIranian Deputy Foreign Minister Mohammad Mehdi Akhoundzadeh was so sick of his old lady, “Supreme Leader” Khamenei. The wife just never let him go out drinking with his friends anymore and these ruffians, these Americans, had just moved in next door so the ball-and-chain was perpetually nagging about the noise and the smell and, “oh won’t you say something?” Worse still were the godawful rumors that Amrika used to be bedfellows with Khamenei a long time ago. So, yeah, this poor poor man had so little sleep and needed a little release. They hadn’t had sex in ages, afterall! You can understand, then, why he stepped out on his spouse with the most attractive prostitute know to Earth, Hillary Clinton. Akhoundzadeh tried to keep the soiree hush-hush but when Radiant Lady of the Night Clinton’s pimp is the international media it turns out rumors start to pop up.
Sullenly, Akhoundzadeh trudged home, knowing what was coming. He did what any good husband would do. He lied horribly to his wife.
Apr12009
Swedes Being All “Progressive” Again
by Mathias at 3:02 pmFirst the Swedish nationalized their banks and we were told to follow it. Now, it looks like the Swedes are allowing gay marriage.
Sweden will allow homosexuals to legally marry from May this year after parliament on Wednesday voted overwhelmingly in favor of the move.
The change in the law, which currently allows gay couples to register unions but not formal marriage, comes into force on May 1 this year under the timetable set out in the bill.
Let’s hope the Obama administration’s group-love for the Swedish “way of doing things” doesn’t spread to the traditional definition of marriage.
Apr12009
Santería Practitioner Forces His Neighbors to Drink Blood - Courts Ask that He Not Do That
by Mathias at 1:46 pmThe ridiculous part of all of this - he might actually win!
The city says animal sacrifices jeopardize public health and violate its slaughterhouse and animal cruelty ordinances.
“It’s repulsive, and it has no business in an urban environment,” William McKamie, an attorney for the city, said after the hearing.
Judge Rhesa Barksdale asked city attorney Bradford Bullock how Merced’s animal sacrifices differ from a hunter bringing home a deer and butchering it.
“What’s different is that this man wants to keep live animals in his home, a large number of live animals,” Bullock said.
Merced’s lawyer, Eric Rassbach, said Merced sacrificed animals at his Euless home for 16 years without incident and is willing to “quadruple bag” the remains and dispose of them in a way that doesn’t jeopardize the public’s health.
Well, sir, as long as we’re quadruple-bagging those rotting carcasses, go right ahead!